Use Me

"I will rise, when He calls my name. No more sorrow. No more pain. I will rise on eagles wings. Before my God, fall on my knees. I will rise."

This is a Chris Tomlin song that has brought me a lot of comfort and a lot of tears over the last year. I've meant to write this post for weeks now, and always had an excuse not to...until last night.

There are Wednesday nights when I, quite honestly, don't want to go to church. I'm tired, sore, busy and all of the above. Nevertheless, we almost always go, thanks to the hubby. My ladies class is currently studying the book of James, and last night's conversation got my wheels turning. (Thanks Jamie, Jenny and Holly. It's your fault)

So let's start from the beginning. A little over a year ago, my family lost my Uncle Charles Burgess. Probably one of the Godliest men I knew. He was a wonderful preacher and, not only did he preach the Word, but he LIVED the word. There is no telling how many lives he brought to Christ.

This Spring, my family lost my Uncle Charles McCormick. Probably one of the most sarcastic, sly and funny men I knew. Charles didn't have any children of his own, but you wouldn't have known that. He married a wonderful woman who had wonderful children and took them as his own. He never knew any different.

Only a little over a month ago, my family tragically lost my Aunt Patsy Cronk in a car accident. After the funeral, a lady mentioned to me that her brother (who worked with aunt patsy) mentioned once that a joke was told about Jesus coming back. He replied "Is Patsy still here?" The other person said "yes" The man then replied, "Well then Jesus hasn't come, because He would have taken Patsy with Him." This says everything to me about the wonderful person she was.

I miss these three so much at times, my heart aches. Last night, the topic of living your life for God or doing something big for God was mentioned. Many stories were mentioned. A girl who prayed to bring her friends to Christ and shortly after, tragically lost her life in a car accident. One month later, all three friends were baptized. A woman who prayed for her family to be closer, and ended up with Breast cancer. Family came out of the woodworks. And then Sara Walker. A woman who prayed to do something "big" for God. She was diagnosed with colon cancer and had two small children, yet she lived her life for Christ amidst every struggle until He called her home.

Now, I'm not saying that if we pray for God to do something big in our lives, tragic things happen. What I am saying, is that praying "that" prayer is inconvenient, scary and hard. The Bible never said that living for Christ is easy. Its easier and we have more control, or we think we do, if we do things ourself. As a mom and wife, I always put my husband and child first, when actually, I am called to put my God first. In all I do, He should be my "motive". I'm not at all saying that I need to neglect my family, but God and going to heaven should be my ultimate goal. There are times when I want to pray the "use me" prayer, but I'm afraid of how He wants to "use me". After the past year, I've almost come to the conclusion, does it matter HOW He wants to use me as long as He IS using me?? That's difficult to swallow because we want to say how things should be done or when etc. I want a legacy like the ones mentioned in this blog. I want people to say "wow, God is great" because of the way I live. Do people even know I'm a Christian by how I live? Do I inconvenience myself to bring others to Christ? What about you? It's easy to assume someone else will do it, but James 4:17 says "Anyone who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." Am I ready to be used? Are you?